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How do you hook up with a girl for the first time

Hooking up with a girl is neither here, nor there, yet people tend to have an awful lot of opinions about it.


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As far as first-time lesbian experiences go, experimenting with someone of the same sex is thankfully less taboo than it's ever been, thanks in large part to the work of LGBTQIA activists and creators championing narratives from all parts of the sexuality spectrum. Lesbian porn is the most popular porn category among women, and plenty of women are also reading lesbian stories on erotica sites. We asked women of all different sexual orientations to recount their first lesbian experience and same-sex encounters. Here are their stories:. In our early 30s my husband and I decided to open our marriage to some sexual exploration and went on a date with a couple. We immediately hit it off.

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There you are, tumbling through the front door with your date like a scene out of a romantic comedy.

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It's pretty obvious you're about to hook up for the first timeand you feel all types of ways. Of course. But you might also be worried about making some kind of "mistake. While not everyone gets nervous when they're with someone new, it is totally normal to feel a bit self-conscious or awkward, or to wonder what's "OK" and what isn't.

As sex and relationship therapist Courtney GeterLMFT, tells Bustle, "These feelings can be triggered by thoughts about your sexual performancebody image issues, and comparing yourself to this person's other partners or hookups.

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But it doesn't mean you have to have a bad time. However you define "hook up" — a one night stand, the first time you have sex with a partner -to-be, etc. So, here are some common mistakes everyone makes when doing the deed. Avoid them, and you should have yourself one heck of a time. While it may be momentarily awkward, don't be afraid to wax poetic about your thoughts and desires before you have sex. And don't feel weird about asking your partner what they like, either.

This might mean pausing for a brief moment to be honest about what you're looking for, and you can certainly make it a part of the sexy conversation you have whilst tumbling into bed, as a way to make it easier.

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But if you do hesitate, keep in mind that sharing what you enjoy will help to ensure you both have a good time, relationship expert David Bennett tells Bustle, which can definitely serve as motivation. You might also find it tricky to share your thoughts during sex. And that makes a lot of sense. Lots of folks worry about "ruining the mood. But it's still so important. Whether it's before sex or during, if something pops into your mind that feels worth sharing, let it be known. So you may want to direct them to what feels good, or offer a few ideas. Speaking up becomes particularly crucial, though, if something is making you uncomfortable.

20 women share their first-time lesbian experiences

By not pointing it out or letting them know, you won't have the experience you're looking for. If you're invested in this person and would like to see the relationship go somewhere, relationship expert Kailen Rosenberg tells Bustle, it'll be even more important to check in with yourself beforehand, lest anyone's feelings get hurt.

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While you don't have to map out the entire relationship's future before hooking up, you might take a quick moment to get on the sameand ensure you're both thinking roughly the same thing. Is this just going to be a fun experience for the night, or are you looking for a long-term partner?

If it's weighing heavy on your mind, let them know. While everyone wants to be "good in bed," a healthy and exciting hook up is so not about that. In fact, the moment you can let it all go and have fun, the better. After all, "nobody is supposed to know anybody's body yet," psychoanalyst Dr. Claudia Luiztells Bustle. Sure, you might have amazing chemistry right off the bat, and feel as if everything falls into place.

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But if it's clunky, if you need to take a break, if you aren't sure which position to try, or just so happen to bash forehe mid-makeout, never fear. It happens to everyone, and is nothing to be ashamed of.

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In the heat of the moment, it can be difficult to figure out what you're comfortable doing, and sometimes even more difficult to say "no" or "not yet," why is why it's so important to set up boundaries before getting too far in, certified life coach Cassandra Jamestells Bustle. Go into the evening knowing what you'll feel comfy doing, as well as what's going to be off limits.

This can be an ongoing discussion you have with yourself, and it's always fine to figure it out as you go, and think "hmm, OK, never trying that again.

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While a hook up will obviously be about those involved, try not to focus solely on your partner, and forget about yourself. As Geter says, staying tuned into your own needs and desires you know, multitasking is where it's at. It can be a lot to think about, as you try to balance all your thoughts, along with what you're doing, and what your partner is doing.

So if you happen to forget or think you could do better next time, that's fine. You can, however, go into a hook up knowing that your needs are important, too, and try to make them a priority. Unless you're being awesome and pointing out what you like in beddon't feel like you have to spend the night telling your partner what's what. And you certainly don't have to get too creative, or teach them something new — like some weird position involving a couch — if you don't want to.

You first hook up can simply be a time to get out of your head and do whatever feels right. If both of you are into it, then go for it, but don't feel pressured to wow them, or try funky positions, or be over the top. If you How do you hook up with a girl for the first time up again, there will be plenty of time for that.

In an effort to be as safe as possible, it's always a good idea to give your friends a he up when going home with someone new. If you met this person on a dating app, tell your friend or roommate, or mom their name, where you plan to meet, and call them again once you get home safely. You might also "consider using an app like iSurvivewhich allows you to quickly and secretly send your location to multiple friends at once so they can come to your aid without involving family members or the authorities — unless absolutely necessary," Daniel Saurborn, MDtells Bustle.

This will help keep you safe when out and about with people you don't know very well, so you can have a good time without worrying, or causing your loves ones to worry. Easier said than done, of course. But going into a hook up situation worrying about your body, or your skill level, or whatever else is a recipe for a lame night.

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So give yourself a little confidence boost beforehandperhaps by popping off to the bathroom to give yourself a bit of a pep talk. Paulette Kouffman Shermantells Bustle. Try reciting a few self-esteem mantrasor showing up in an outfit that makes you feel particularly great. Whatever that may be. By now we all know the importance of using protection. That goes without saying. But even the most wary among us can forget, or think it's fine "just this one time.

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It's also easy to get caught up in the moment, so be prepared and think ahead. As Saurborn says, "The absolute simplest way to protect yourself whether boy or girl, gay or straight is to bring a condom or two with you. OK, so the deed is done and you hopefully had a great time.

Now, don't forget to process what just went down, including how it felt, and whether you might like to do it again. You might even want to chat with your partner, at some point, to see how it was for them, Luiz says. This will help grow your relationshipif that's what you'd like to see happen.

But it will also be the perfect moment to focus on what you learned from your hook up, and what sorts of revelations and new outlooks you can bring to the next one. By Carolyn Steber. See All Health Relationships Self.